5 little letters…

1 Nov

There is a word that we all may say, that we don’t hear often enough. Sorry – an expression, a regret.

What does it mean to say sorry? Why should you say sorry? When should you say sorry?

First and foremost, saying sorry shouldn’t come naturally, it shouldn’t fall off the end of your tongue like please and thank you. You cant fuck up and then say sorry. The world doesn’t work like that. America didn’t bomb iraq and then say, ‘oh, we’re sorry’. You must face the consequences of your actions.

People get hurt. People feel ashamed. People feel neglected. People feel all sorts of things when you make a mistake. Saying sorry doesn’t make it all ok. Life can’t just ‘roll on’. You can’t just ‘pick up’ where you left of.

Sorry is an easy word. You bang into someone in the supermarket, ‘Oh, I’m sorry love’.

When it comes to relationships, it is different.

Here are a few examples:

A friend told me: I found my husband ‘chatting’ with girls online but he said, ‘sorry’. – and that makes it ok? sorry, makes everything ok? No, it doesn’t.

Another friend found her husband had lost his job and was leaving the house everyday and going to a cafe to ‘pretend’ he was going to work. When she found out, he said, ‘sorry, but I didn’t want you to feel ashamed of me’. – this ‘sorry’, is ok. This ‘sorry’ came from the heart. The reason this man didn’t tell his wife was because of shame. In the above story of the ‘online flirt’, the husband didn’t tell the wife because ‘he thought it was enough, he thought his little online obsession would never ‘get out’.

Well, gentlemen, sometimes SORRY isn’t enough. why? Because there is so much more that sometimes need fixed.

You forget that men and women are built differently.

We aren’t meant to feel the same. Women are much more sensitive than men, why? who knows? perhaps, it comes down to the fact we are the child-bearers. We are the queens of the house.

There is TRUST, LOYALTY and RESPECT. Those need FIXED also during a time of betrayal.

A two hour long arguing session cannot end in, ‘I’m sorry’.

A discussion needs to take place. Two people must have the floor to talk. It must come from both sides and the problem must be addressed. The reasons behind the problem must be address and the conclusion as to how to get ‘over’ the problem must be attempted to be accomplished. Things don’t get fixed in five minutes. They aren’t supposed to. Sometimes they take months. Sometimes there isn’t always an answer. There has to be a mutual agreement. One person cannot make a ‘flat out’ yes or no answer.

Yes, to some extent there should be a decision maker BUT it’s hard to choose who. Some might say, it’s the male’s choice, some might say, no it’s the females. Religion and Culture should not even enter the equation.

What you both want from your marriage, your future and for your kids should be the equation.

Your family and her family shouldn’t enter the subject either.

Whether she respects your family or you respect hers doesn’t even matter.

Your family is YOUR IMMEDIATE FAMILY. That’s a husband, a wife and children. NO INLAWS OR OUTLAWS.

Marriage is more than a piece of paper. It’s a contract. Bound for life. In sickness and in health. For richer or for poorer. All marriages have ups and downs. Life has lots of crossroads…it’s your choice which road you choose to take.

 

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3 Responses to “5 little letters…”

  1. American Girl November 1, 2010 at 11:54 am #

    Bravo! I agree 100%.

    Then of course, there’s those who never say they’re sorry and just blame everything on the other person. Unable to accept responsiblity for their actions — immature.

  2. aspirated November 1, 2010 at 4:45 pm #

    In-short, great advice, sorry im not saying more i dont feel so well today. Keep those great posts coming =)

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